Friday the 13th

What can I say? I’ve missed writing my blog for the past week or so. I’ve had a lot of things on my mind and a lot of things to take care of, so needless to say, I’ve been slacking on my reviewing, but one thing is for certain is I haven’t been slacking on my movie watching, and that means that you, the reader, are going to get a couple reviews today.

My newest review, although completely off subject, is Friday the 13th. Honestly, what can I say about this film? I sat down to watch it just for kicks and was completely blown away (no pun intended, being that it was produced by Michael ‘I just jizzed in my pants from that explosion’ Bay). This movie was complete and utter crap.

It starts off with a group of 20-something’s who have nothing better to do than to go looking for pot plants that have been growing around Camp Crystal Lake (honestly, are all horror movies based on pot nowadays? Maybe it’s a clue that the writers were high while writing this crap). They then proceed to have crazy amounts of sex and scoff at the legend of Jason. I mean, honestly, you don’t go to Camp Crystal Lake and bad mouth Jason. That’s like going to Yankee Stadium and bad mouthing the Yankee’s. So needless to say, about twenty minutes of killing and sex happen.

It then goes forward to six weeks later and a new group of 20-something’s go up to a cabin which is apparently adjacent to Camp Crystal Lake. At least they don’t know about Jason. So, then the killing and sex start, again.

This film was not deep at all. If you like slasher films that make absolutely no sense or have no plot whatsoever, then you might, I emphasize might, like this movie to an extent. I don’t even think hardcore fans of the Friday the 13th series would care much for this apart from showing the origin of Jason’s mask, which I think they did in Part 2 or 3 of the original anyway.

At least it’s worth a tiny laugh watching. Honestly, Jason is like seven feet tall and suddenly he’s super sneaky. He only kills you when he stands behind you for however long until you notice him, scream and then die. I feel that’s how the makers of this film wanted you to feel. To feel like you’ve been snuck up upon and murdered.

Overall, this movie feels like a spit in the face. It gets my lowest rating yet of 2 out of 10. Avoid this one like the plague, or Camp Crystal Lake.